Keylogger to spy on tg/tw - justifiable ?

[rjj04]

This may be old fashioned but how about discussing your concerns with the wife.?There may very well be a simple explanation for what you are worrying about. Going the spying route will only lead to further problems not even connected with your initial concerns.

Discussion - yes, agreed. If there is no reason to believe that she is lying to you about the subject at hand, why not. But if there is prior cause, and you attempt a discussion and get the non-communicative response, what is one to do then but assume. But yes, otherwise, wise and morally correct to not go the spy route.

Trust is a fleeting thing... and when love tries to keep you trusting... it can lead to a very bad ending.

Moral... discuss first but...
1) If attempt to discuss the subject is rejected out of hand
or
2) you get a completely unsatisfactory answer

then what?
cut and run, create/maintain emotional distance hoping the inevitable doesn't happen, attempt to ascertain the truth post-haste, or employ the ostrich algorithm?

[rickfarang]

Plien ,

Yes, it could be a good thing. It could save your relationship, in addition to other possible benefits already advantages above.

You didn't ask about ethics, apparently you are ok in that department.

[seymourbutts]

I suppose it could re-enforce trust too!! What have you been doing on the computer darling. blah blah blah, check and she comes up trumps, happy ending!!!
But ethically i think really she is entitled to her privacy, and snooping doesnt make her a bad person but certainly makes you one..

[rjj04]

Snooping makes you a bad person.. hmmmm so... those bad FBI blokes sneaking around for terrorists... how dare they suspect, they have little to no evidence, why do they want to know... they should be good blokes and stay out of our lives... then all will be well and happiness will prevail If only the world were so pure as to not need a bit of suspicion. At what level of pain is it acceptable to "snoop?" If somebody who has committed terrorism before, has begun to exhibit behaviour similar to that of the previous terrorist attack, you should ignore it?

I may be a bad person, but not for that reason to be sure. I have never "hacked" anyone on a computer, I mind to my own business, live and let live, and except for this one case, have never "snooped" on anybody let alone my significant other. Fool me once shame on you... reality strikes.

Ethics versus Morality ... oooh hurts my head to try to remember where is that dictionary again

[jackspratt]

Do those FBI blokes have a relationship based on trust and intimacy with suspected terrorists?

What a red herring, rjj04

[rjj04]

Sorry.. "the once trust is lost forget it" idea is probably best... but sometimes people need to learn the hard way in life. Cut and run after the trust is gone, would have been best in my case. Wasted a lot of time, and never was the same afterwards anyway. Good advice.

[BKKSTAN]

I really think it would have alot to do with the relationship stage is,whether you have established ''boundaries'' regarding trust initially.
But generally speaking,I would say it would be a wise thing to do early in the relationship,since it is a 99%chance that security is her main basis for being with you and you need to find out quickly if she is a player or a stayer.

So called ''ethics'' under these important decisions are rediculous,IMO,as you need to protect your assets!

If you find out that she is a liar,deceiver early on,you can move on,but you might be pleasantly surprised to find that you have a,somewhat,''proven'' person in the trust area,therefore a great candidate for a partnership!

[laphanphon]

have to agree with banpaeng, jackspratt, philrjones, as pointed out, if you need to worry about such things you already have problems. also don't understand wanting to keep loved one ignorant, i try to teach Ree everything i can or she asks. also, too easy just to check the history, if she is deleting, then Val is correct, time for a little communication.

these are all issues that should of been answered before living together.

[jimboLV]

I used a keylogger once, with great reluctance. Her mother, on old friend, sent her 14 yr old daughter to stay with me and my wife for the summer as she was involved in a nasty custody dispute with her ex. I've known this kid since she was 6 years old. The kid spent an inordinate amount of time one the computer (mine), and her mom asked me to see what she was up to. Porn? Chatting with older guys? Communicating with her deadbeat Dad who had skipped town and reneged of his child support payments? I first objected, explaining all about trust, but she was very worried, so I agreed and monitored her activities online for about three weeks. Nothing but boring kid stuff, mainly about the latest rock stars, the hottest boys at school, etc. I felt really bad, even embarrassed to be reading this stuff, and after ensuring her mom that nothing was going on (never revealing any details) I disconnected it.

Now, relevant to comments on here. I didn't even password protect my Outlook email program, thinking I didn't care if my wife read them or not, since I wasn't doing anything that she should take offense to. In fact many times I would share a clever joke I got by email with her. Boy, was I wrong. When things started to go south in the marriage, I found out that she had secretly been keeping a file of my emails, and anything even slightly racy that came from a female, she accused me of having multiple affairs with them. On her twisted mind she twisted everything around in a way that was most paranoid. When I found this out, and divorce proceedings began, I put a password on and then found out that she had her gay druggie son have one his friends hack into my ISP and retrieve my emails from the main server before I ever saw them (a violation of US federal wiretap laws). I found this out when her divorce attorney included one of these emails in a court filing and stupidly included the source code which indicated that the email came from the ISP server, not from my computer. Wrong thing to do because when he presented it in court, my attorney calmly informed him that he was in violation of the law, and the judge immediately threw out any email evidence, and my ex lost a lot of face, resulting in a more favorable decision for me.

The bottom line is if you feel you have to snoop on your mates emails or vice versa (other than just plain nosiness) it's all over and you better start talking to a divorce lawyer. Just my humble opinion. Of course this doesn't apply when applied to your kids. Anythings fair game when you're protecting your kids.

[Stantheman]

As an added note from a somewhat computer geek, make sure you disable your security software, if you are using any, and want to install a keylogger programs. As many security programs check for keylogger software and 'disable it' as it is used by hackers to gain info about you, especially user id's and passwords!