Your opinions please

[jai yen yen]

Hello everyone, I am new to your site although I have been enjoying reading it for awhile now. I am 55 and have been coming to Thailand for 6 years and stay about 5 months each trip so I have a little experience on my side. I met a Lady from a small village outside of Nong Khai about a year ago. We met through a dating site and at first her english was very limited but after a few months I suddenly realized we were conversing very well, better actually then most Thai people I had known for awhile. I asked her how she learned english and she said through reading and studying at home but had never spoke to Farang before and only became proficient while talking to me. I am not naive and this does not ring true to me but there are no other red flags and she seems to be a wonderful person, 33 years old with one son from a Thai man. She has been single for about 5 years and works as a hair stylist with her own shop. She is quite smart but i can talk to her just as fast as any english speaking person and she gets 99% of what I say and mean. My question to you fellas is do you think it is possible for her to be able to speak and understand english like this. I have met a few bar girls in my time here and there is no indication of that with her. Your opinions would be appreciated.

[cali4995]

it's not impossible? some girls (very few) just seem to have real desire with foreign languages?
i suppose the big tip-off would be does she speak book english or street english as she would learn
from a man not in a classroom? for example i had a friend and she would always say yeah,yeah, yeah,
or gonna, gonna, gonna ,(and these are the polite ex,)and you don't realize how bad it sounds until
you listen to someone say this and you're like gee, that doesn't sound good? also you know they always
nod yes, or maybe they act like they get it out of politeness but maybe don't fully understand. in the
final analysis is she hot? does it really matter?it's a small thing,can you work with the rest of the package?

[jai yen yen]

Definately not bar lingo, better english more like from a book. She seems to be one of the nicest people I have ever met and cute. I just want to believe her and base our relationship on trust. Sometimes things here are not what they seem. Thank you for your response.

[jimboLV]

Welcome Jai. Be very careful in assuming she understands what you are saying. What Cali says is true, the Thai tend to be very polite and smile and nod their heads when they don't have a clue as to what you are talking about. They are very good at this. It can be infuriating once you realize this, and can lead to disaster in the relationship down the road. I had the same experience with my current wife whom I thought had a great command of English when I first mer her. After a short while when we began to get serious, I was explaining my finances (or lack of it) to her and she was smiling and nodding in agreement when I had a hunch and said "do you understand?" she looked relieved and said "no". Aha! So I started to frequently ask if she understood and now she knows to say "no understand" and I can back up and explain more carefully. The point is, I could have sworn she had perfect English skills but she doesn't. She cannot for example follow the plot of a movie if it doesn't have Thai subtitles.

That being said, I would not be concerned about her language if everything else seems right. Some people do have an ability to pick up language very fast, and IMHO I can't see any reason to be suspicious on your part at least on this issue. Good luck and hope to see you on here in a couple of years bragging about having found the perfect wife. I know I have.

[jai yen yen]

Thanks Jimbo, I have noticed many Thai people doing just what you said. My gf is answering perfectly on the phone or Skype so I know she does understand, actually better than a lot of my ex farang girlfreinds. No surprise there though.

[BKKSTAN]

jai yen yen,I do believe it is possible,but if she hasn't practiced with other falangs,she will be difficult to understand because teaching herself will leave her with improper pronunciations,especially the ending syllables. and a very strong accent!

There is also the possibility that she has been in conversation with falangs,but is afraid to tell you.

Without other ''red flags'',I would recommend ,depending how you think,that you assure her that her past relationships are her business and not challenging to you.Establish ''trust'' boundaries' for your future that should encompass,no lies or deceit of any kind!

My wife of almost 10 years,prefers to study English ,on her own,by herself and has done so since we have been married after some initial outside tutoring to get her started.I have a hard time understanding her sometimes,but her vocabulary is really growing,which means she understands me better,which has been her primary goal!

I think alot of guys are so worried about possibly being scammed that they question ,question,question,trying to uncover any deceit and it is understandable as there is alot on the line!

But I have become convinced that the best thing for the falang to do is to maintain control over all finances and assets and the decisions around there use and set boundaries for going forth with the relationship!

This is better than continous questioning,as her reactions to your control will tell you more about her than you wll ever learn questioning her.Plus you will not be in jeopardy of mismanagement due to her inexperience or possible greed.

Over time as the relationship progresses,trust is established,truth are revealed,her ability to ''handle'' finances is enhanced and less control is needed!

This obviously commands that you are willing to be honorable and fair in your relationship with her.Understanding her needs and not just yours,willing to compromise and be reasonable about her culture!

I have never been willing to compromise on the ''trust'' area.FACE does not play a part of our relationship!We allow others there ''face'',which eliminates the ability to be intimate friends,but we deal with our own feelings between us!Our rule is,''don't ask if you can't accept the answer''!

[BobHelm]

But I have become convinced that the best thing for the falang to do is to maintain control over all finances and assets and the decisions around there use and set boundaries for going forth with the relationship!

This is better than continous questioning,as her reactions to your control will tell you more about her than you wll ever learn questioning her.Plus you will not be in jeopardy of mismanagement due to her inexperience or possible greed.

I think those are VERY wise words Stan and a very sensible approach to take....

[aznyron]

if her name is Phar pronounced Far and comes from Nong han run for your life she gold digger first class and speaks very good english and she also a hair dresser other than that take it very slow and be sure of every thing she tell you
there are many red flags you have to keep your eyes on the ball & don't let your emotions take over and most important think with the head on your shoulders not the one between your legs good luck I hope she is what you want and that she is a real genuine lady

[cali4995]

interesting responses, you know if she's been playing a lot on the internet girls learn exponentially
fast that way because it's fun, they have a direct reason to learn etc. she doesn't have to ever work
in a bar, you know how guys talk, we can be the worst models for speech. but like you say she seems
to speak politely so if it doesn't work out for you then please have her PM me here. he-he

[laphanphon]

or ning from same area, and if so, she is older than she says............ a bud of mine met her via net, not a good match to say the least. lier and golddigger also.

a question, have you actually met in person, or everything done on internet so far, and if so, is it by video conversation, or simply typing, with possible cam on, but no conversation. i am not familiar with most chat venues, as just use yahoo or msn msg, without cams. if just typing and haven't met yet, she may not be the one typing, a common practice, and would explain her newly advance english knowledge, as that would be a major red flag for me. living with someone for almost 4 yrs now, and her engilish is still marginal, very good for isan, but some of the words she tries to use and some of the misunderstanding of my simple yank language, means this lady of yours is exceptional. hope so, but i would take things slow, especially if haven't met in person yet.

[Astana]

To the OP... If doubt has been put in your mind a relatively small investment in a private investigator may put that doubt beyond in the right place as it is clearly something that you need answering. After all, it is not only your money that needs safe keeping but also your happiness.

[Galee]

Within a week of coming to Udon to live, I met a very attractive lady in Mr Tongs. She said she came from Nong Khai, and had a hair dressing business. She was with her sister. Both spoke good English. We exchanged tel. numbers, but never contacted each other.
A few weeks later we bumped into each other again in Mr T's. After chatting for a while they said they were going to BKK the following weekend for a family party, would I like to come? At this point I sensed the red flags and backed off. I saw her a few more times in Mr T's but by this time I'd met someone else.
Probably not the same girl as jai yen yen knows?.

[seymourbutts]

you know the answer my friend!!!! Otherwise you wouldnt be asking us would you??? And you would have no doubts about the girl!!!!! You are in a buyers market here, get out now and find another... Run before its too late, just my advise, up to you though!!!

[arjay]

jai yen yen,I do believe it is possible,but if she hasn't practiced with other falangs,she will be difficult to understand because teaching herself will leave her with improper pronunciations,especially the ending syllables. and a very strong accent!

JYY, I would agree with Stan (as above), if she learnt solely from books (without conversation with a farang) her pronunciation would probably be way off the mark.

For example, Thais rarely pronounce the "s" at the end of words, or sh's, correctly. "English" usually comes out as Englis" or even "Engli". You should be able to assess a lot by the quality of her pronunciation.

If you met through a dating site, I would think it very likely she has met others that way and is probably continuing to do so even now. After all, there's no reason why she should bank all her hopes on you at this early stage, is there.

[seymourbutts]

you know the answer already my friend!!!! otherwise you would have no doubts and not be on here asking for confirmation!!!! Get out now before its too late... if you are a good man then dont accept anything less than a 100% genuine good girl... have fun teaching her english then at least you know she is probably genuine or the odds are stacked better in your favour!!!